Harry was Very Sad
by PkinkyS
Summary: One day Harry was wondering the halls of Hogwarts when he came across a rather disturbing, yet amusing, scene... slash warning
1. Sadness

Harry was very sad. No one wanted to suck his all-powerful, dark-lord-defeating-saviour-of-the-world big…toe. He decided to wander the halls of Hogwarts. He knew a house-elf down in the kitchens that sometimes gave him a good, hard suck…on his big toe. But with that he would not be satisfied tonight! He wanted, _craved_ someone of the same species!!! After all he _was_ the wizarding saviour of all hot wizards everywhere. It was a shame that Lockhart had moved out and forgotten their secret love trysts.

Yes. Indeed. Harry Potter was very sad. Very sad and unsatisfied.

Meanwhile, Ron was walking back from his secret quidditch practices. He was embarrassed and didn't want Harry to know he was inexperienced with a broom.

But fate was looking kindly on these two boys tonight; Harry was in fact very experienced with his…I mean…a broom. Come on! He was the youngest 'seeker' ever! Not that we're calling our Harry a slag, but he'd been round the proverbial block a few times. Even with the very uniquely shaped potions MASTER, who, coincidentally, was walking back from the HEADmaster's office. Hogwarts was a very saucy place. Oh dear, how could the young Potter not be getting any?!?

And…Aha! Ronald Weasely enters the building…

"P-professor" he stuttered. Snape gave him the heeby-jeebies….but in a good way.

"Weasley," Snape acknowledged "shouldn't you be in bed….sleeping….with all the other young gryffindors?" Snape had an odd gleam in his eye.

Ron felt his breath catch in his throat, what was this flippy-floppy feeling in his stomach? Without thinking he yelled:

"Yop. Pop. Floppp! I cannot take this SWEET torture no more…homedog what are you doing to me?"

"You mean what WILL I do to you, youngest Weasel (I'm not counting your sister- she's a girl), to gain my favour? MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

Insane grin, rabid breathing

They leaned closer, Ron's breath quickened; he was almost touching professor Snape…

"AHH!" Both of their heads whipped towards the sound and they saw Harry who had only one shoe on and had a very disturbed looking house-elf following behind him. The scream had apparently been caused by the fact that he was now missing a toe. Wow, those magical beings sure can suck!

"Err lads? What's going on (down) over here?"

Snape seeing Harry's bare foot simply lost control, his facing contorting as he shrieked the words:

"Snooky fooky table wable-oooky!!!!"

Harry and Ron turned to each other, eyes wide. Before them a huge snooky fooky- I mean snooker table had appeared.

"What's that Snivellus?" asked Harry (SHOCKED TO THE CORE, NOTHING HAD PREPARED HIM FOR THIS).

"No! My name is Snape for a reason! A mixture of snooker and rape!! Get your balls out boys. It's play time." He said taking out his big hard cue and an evil smirk on his face…

TBC


	2. Frustration

Harry was very frustrated.

"Professor Flitprick – I mean Flitwick!" Harry suddenly yelled. It seemed that the short Professor had wandered into the corridor. Snape's head (no, not that one…) shot up. How embarrassing! Being caught in this compromising position! But then he thought…Flitwick seemed the perfect height for –

"Ahhh. Hello Mr. Pott - ." Flitwick stared at Harry's foot, "OH MY GOD, WHY DO YOU ONLY HAVE NINE TOES?! AND WHAT IS THAT HOUSE-ELF DOING OUT OF THE KITCHENS? Twinky, go back to your quarters." Relieved, the house-elf wandered off.

Oh, so Professor Flatprick- I mean Flitwick - had no idea of what had transpired here. The powerful love between Mr. Harry Potter and his fellow magical creatures shall not be uncovered this day. Oh professor Flitwick, so naïve, so innocent…

…but not for long I fear.

"You do realise that it is past curfew? Naughty boys. And – oh! Professor Snape, are you have a game of snooker with the young Griffindors? But, alas, this does not excuse them for bending the rules!"

"Oh, but professor Fitwick- I mean Flitwick! I like bending… the rules!" cried our favourite red-headed sex kitten.

"Yes Professor" drawled Snape, now feeling the snooky wooky cube suggestively "it's time you did some bending too!!"

Crazy grin. Rabid breathing. Hand motions speed up.

Professor Flitslick – I mean Flitwick – stepped away. "I think I'm going to have to report this to the HEADmaster. You understand Serverus. Not until they're 17 can they roam _these_ walls."

"I'm afraid I can't let you do that, professor." Snape had a feral gleam in his eyes as he moved towards the tiny teacher. With a quick flick of his wand (no, not that one…) our potions master conjured a rope, and tied poor professor Fitdick – I mean Fitwick –up with it. "You aren't going anywhere. I should've known a man with a name rhyming with Clit-slick and Tit-lick was not one of us!!"

"What…what are you going to do to me?!"

"Why that's simple professor. I'm going to _make_ you one of us…

BWAHAHAHAA!!"

"One of us. One of us." Chanted the sexually-frustrated duo behind him, supporting sexy sneers and each others butt cheeks.

TBC


End file.
